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7 replies   1327 views
2

Description

Can’t sleep. Thoughts of cheating running through my head. Sex with another woman you might ask…. No, even worse, I’m thinking about making an account on another trading platform.

It all started when I couldn’t find a “harpoonist’s grand charm of inertia” for sale. I just had to have this sexy Beast of a charm, and using a different website is not going to stop me from fulfilling my wildest frw fantasies.

A quick search on Google to find local trading brothels in the area first led me a pimp named “Traderie,”. I clicked on the sultry URL with fingers trembling thinking to myself “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.” I located the search bar and typed in “harpoonist’s” thinking, surely, that’ll get us to pleasure town…. And then a big flaccid thud- “no results could be found.” Maybe it’s the site, maybe it’s my nerves…. But I assure my new date that ‘this has never happened before’ wink wink…. In an effort to reach the grand charm climax by all means necessary, I click back to the main page, then misc items, scroll through some BS, next page, and finally see a grand charm button. Ahhh, this has to get the job done, I’ll be lighting up that cigarette in no time. I click on the eye ball looking GC graphic and am led to a dark room with thousands of generic charms for sale. Thank God there’s a drop down menu for filters; takes a few seconds but I finally find
Javelin
skills and click apply….. big thud, again…. I haven’t seen a performance this terrible since since Jason Biggs and a foreign exchange student…

(In all seriousness, I spend 5 more minutes trying to click on different shit and still can’t narrow down the charm. Disclaimer, I’m on an iPhone…)

In a last ditch effort to satisfy my most primal grand charm needs, I decide to pay a visit to D2JSP…..

WAIT, HOLD ON, HIT THE BREAKS…
Did I just hop in my Delorean and travel back to 1989— this website looks like a bulletin board service. Where are the graphics and easy to use interface… Guess I’ll be logging onto Prodigy soon and checking the mailbox for an AOL CD.

Let’s not let a little nostalgia get in the way, we’re here for a purpose and damnit we’re getting the job done.
Click on search menu, “harpoonist’s”, click. Womp womp womp.
“You do not have permission to use this feature.”
You gotta be fucking kidding me. I can’t even search for something without making a damn account. Bullshit, I’m not giving some 2 bit bulletin board service any of my info and any of my time for that matter…. Click, bring me back to Google.


AOEAH.com. This is like the neighborhood whore, we know this will surely get the job done. It’s not like I see this plastered all over the lobby all day long…. Click. “
Ber
12.9 USD”
Is this some new lingo I’m not familiar with…. Oh no, I think they actually mean for me to pay real life money for items. This really does seem like prostituting at this point. Click, back to Google.

D2trades.com. Last. Ditch. Effort.
Search bar, click, harpoonist’s, click.
No results. But I do get a bunch of annoying ads. The ads overlay the search bar where you’re typing; making this process extremely tedious.

I grab my blue balls and head right back to diablo2.io
She lets me back into the house even though she can smell the perfume and sees the lipstick stains on my collar. She promises me that one day soon she’ll get really really drunk and let me try that back door “harpoonist’s grand charm of inertia” fantasy that I’ve always had.
Description by dilbert383
5

Can be used to make Runewords:

7
Can’t sleep. Thoughts of cheating running through my head. Sex with another woman you might ask…. No, even worse, I’m thinking about making an account on another trading platform.

It all started when I couldn’t find a “harpoonist’s grand charm of inertia” for sale. I just had to have this sexy Beast of a charm, and using a different website is not going to stop me from fulfilling my wildest frw fantasies.

A quick search on Google to find local trading brothels in the area first led me a pimp named “Traderie,”. I clicked on the sultry URL with fingers trembling thinking to myself “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.” I located the search bar and typed in “harpoonist’s” thinking, surely, that’ll get us to pleasure town…. And then a big flaccid thud- “no results could be found.” Maybe it’s the site, maybe it’s my nerves…. But I assure my new date that ‘this has never happened before’ wink wink…. In an effort to reach the grand charm climax by all means necessary, I click back to the main page, then misc items, scroll through some BS, next page, and finally see a grand charm button. Ahhh, this has to get the job done, I’ll be lighting up that cigarette in no time. I click on the eye ball looking GC graphic and am led to a dark room with thousands of generic charms for sale. Thank God there’s a drop down menu for filters; takes a few seconds but I finally find
Javelin
skills and click apply….. big thud, again…. I haven’t seen a performance this terrible since since Jason Biggs and a foreign exchange student…

(In all seriousness, I spend 5 more minutes trying to click on different shit and still can’t narrow down the charm. Disclaimer, I’m on an iPhone…)

In a last ditch effort to satisfy my most primal grand charm needs, I decide to pay a visit to D2JSP…..

WAIT, HOLD ON, HIT THE BREAKS…
Did I just hop in my Delorean and travel back to 1989— this website looks like a bulletin board service. Where are the graphics and easy to use interface… Guess I’ll be logging onto Prodigy soon and checking the mailbox for an AOL CD.

Let’s not let a little nostalgia get in the way, we’re here for a purpose and damnit we’re getting the job done.
Click on search menu, “harpoonist’s”, click. Womp womp womp.
“You do not have permission to use this feature.”
You gotta be fucking kidding me. I can’t even search for something without making a damn account. Bullshit, I’m not giving some 2 bit bulletin board service any of my info and any of my time for that matter…. Click, bring me back to Google.


AOEAH.com. This is like the neighborhood whore, we know this will surely get the job done. It’s not like I see this plastered all over the lobby all day long…. Click. “
Ber
12.9 USD”
Is this some new lingo I’m not familiar with…. Oh no, I think they actually mean for me to pay real life money for items. This really does seem like prostituting at this point. Click, back to Google.

D2trades.com. Last. Ditch. Effort.
Search bar, click, harpoonist’s, click.
No results. But I do get a bunch of annoying ads. The ads overlay the search bar where you’re typing; making this process extremely tedious.

I grab my blue balls and head right back to diablo2.io
She lets me back into the house even though she can smell the perfume and sees the lipstick stains on my collar. She promises me that one day soon she’ll get really really drunk and let me try that back door “harpoonist’s grand charm of inertia” fantasy that I’ve always had.
7
User avatar

Schnorki 3810Moderator

PC
dilbert383 wrote: 2 years ago
I haven’t seen a performance this terrible since since Jason Biggs and a foreign exchange student…
Bravo!

Also, fun fact: (not spelling everything out fully is your friend cuz..neither do many sellers ;))
7
OP
Bruh, don’t even tease me with that trade…. It was DOA
7
User avatar

Teebling 6870Admin

Europe PC
I forgive you honey. But you're still getting tested for whatever you caught on aoeah.com...

Thanks for this post, made me lol.

The search for har-poon continues

7
Traderie sucks.... really hard. I don't know why so many people like it, it looks like hot garbage. Chaos Sanc discord is even worse (what a complete mess.....)

This website is the best thing that ever happened to D2R, in my opinion.

I do have to shop over at d2jsp now and then, but that is only for extremely rare items that don't show up here as often.
7
Just FYI,

d2jsp did actually have one of those charms listed for sale, but it might be gone already.

https://forums.d2jsp.org/topic.php?t=92 ... p604576126
7
Even though you were talking about trading and not sex, I still feel like a need to brush my
Teeth
in the shower after reading this. Great job.

EDIT: and the fact that "t e e t h" came up as a poison and Bone skill hotlink made me actually lol. Don't know why.
7
ahhh title reminds me of this song

9

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